I’m going to hot yoga this afternoon. This will be my first time. If I die, this will be the last image of myself. Amazing.

Well, the Tucson show has come and gone and so has the Southwest Burlesque Showcase. Can I just say how amazing last week’s three day extravaganza was?  I mean that shit was crazy fun. I had a blast hanging out with old friends, new friends and even a bear! Next year I’m definitely not going to work those days because I missed a huge opportunity hanging out with my NM, CO, IL, TN and TX buddies. Next time fo’ sheezy. Once I get all the pictures and video!!! back I will do a HUGE post on all the awesome. In the meantime, here’s some emotional vomit. Don’t worry, I’ll have a prize at the bottom.

I got a major case of the burlesque hangover/comedown and a COLD! And I’m doing my taxes and this year I have to OWE! I feel like I have just fucked myself over and it’s only the middle of February( I am the master of shitting where I eat and shooting myself in the foot). Well I guess it’s better to be fucked over by yourself than be fucked over by someone else. Right right? Unless it’s by one of these hot bitches. Mmmmm. (see what I did there?)

I had myself a nice cry Monday night while eating pho and watching Harold and Maude and realizing that damn, I need a Maude. I want to be Maude. Can someone please caress me the way  Harold caresses and strokes the wooden statue? Fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk. I try not to give a fuck, but do you know how much energy and stress that takes? GOD DAMN!

I knew after all the shows I wanted to go on a “chemical vacation”. Meaning any drugs and alcohol that is available can get in my body right now. Well those chemicals have been nothing but Emergen-C, Airborne, vitamins vitamins vitamins and some whiskey. My snot is electric yellow. It won’t stop. I really wanted to treat myself to a tattoo for Valentine’s Day because I love only myself but I don’t think it’s a good idea to get inked while sniffling. Hopefully soon.

Blah.

Here’s your bonus if you haven’t seen it yet.

Much love to Phoenix Rizing Photography for this kickass shot! The got a lot more from the show on their page. Check it yo!

Sooooo this week ( it’s only Tuesday night!!!)  has been super stressful with no thanks to PMS. Monday night I was in tears multiple times and I felt like Patrick Bateman during the business card scene.

I felt like this…

And I wanted to do this…

All over some trivial ass bullshit ( if you are just joining us,  I frequently shit where I eat and make bad decisions). Fuuuuuuu. Combine that with sewing and thinking about stupid shit and last night was pretty terrible.

Cut to about about an hour ago tonight and I get home from rehearsal. I live in a house with an alarm system. I roll up after stopping at the grocery store and notice a big red light is flashing. Oh that must be for the alarm…. I got to the front door and it’s ajar. Oh shit. And like a dumbass, I open the door and say “ Hello? Anybody there?” Well that was stupid. (Why don’t I just drop my panties and make it easier for the rapist*. ) So I call my room-mate and ask if they left in a hurry yadda yadda yadda.  They come home, and for whatever reason the door didn’t close when they left. Oh. Needless to say, I just got out of a nice long and hot Epsom salt bath and I’m  on my second drink of Ginger Ale and Jim Beam.

SOooooo with all that said, please come out and see me and all the amazing performers coming your way to tease and entertain you Thursday February 9th and Friday the 10th and  Saturday the 11th during the 6th Annual Southwest Burlesque Showcase.

A lot of blood, sweat, tears and glitter go into producing, costuming, choreographing, stage managing &  titty-taping in order to bring such an amazing festival to Albuquerque. Many many thanks to everyone involved!!

<3<3<3 XOXOXOXOX<3<3<3

Please say thank you, buy them drinks and give massages with happy endings. I would like all of the above please!!! xoxox

*I’m actually more afraid of being shot than raped. I just don’t want to get raped by an ugly dude.*

Meredith J. Keeton

You get to go to Friday night’s show! Woo! Thank you to all the contestants that played and good luck next time. I will have another giveaway in the works open to everyone so stayed tuned lovers!

Wanna go to the Southwest Burlesque Showcase? Wanna get in for free ( like a boss)? Well now you can! I am giving away a ticket to the Friday February 10th  show at the Kimo. Woo! Hoo! You will get to see the show for FREE! Yeah. For free! And a button of me! You get to enter through the stage door ( like a boss) and let me embarrass the shit out of you the whole entire night (like a boss)! AWWW Yeah!

To enter: Leave a comment on this blog post or on Facebook. Feel free to pass this post like a blunt so your homies get a chance to enter.

Contest Rules:This giveaway is open to people age 21 or older who definitely know they will be in town and not a get fucking migraine day of show.  Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

I’ll be running this giveaway from now until January 28th! So get those comments in son! February 1st I’ll pick a winner!

The death knell for 2011 hasn’t even rung yet and 2012 is looking pretty dope. Not that 2011 wasn’t amazing. It was. I got to go to new cities and meet new amazing people. I had the best freaking birthday ever and I spent the holidays with my true family of friends.Oh I also feel in love…….with whiskey. 2011 has also given me a goal. A goal for 2012 and beyond. That goal: Make more bad decisions.

It’s time to start living ladies and gents and make better bad decisions. Let this motto carry you through 2012 and beyond. See ya in jail bitches!

UPCOMING EVENTS

• Catch me January 18th at the Launchpad where Vagrant Variety presents another panty-dropping good time with music by Diverje, stand-up comedy, poetry, and burlesque. Only $5!
• Southwest Burlesque Showcase. Catch me solo Friday  February 10th at the Kimo,  and catch me with Burlesque Noir Saturday night. I’ll be cheering and running around topless Thursday night at the Launchpad as well. Check out Burque Burlesque for the complete line-up!

Be safe and happy tonight my loves! XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hey Girl!

Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit!

I can’t embed at the moment so go to Strip Cheez and check out Burlesque Noir tearing it up at the 2nd Annual Colorado Burlesque Festival! We fucking rocked it!!

This weekend I head up to Colorado Springs to perform there for the first time. Wooooooot! 

Check that flyer out! HOT! I’ll be doing a solo Friday nigh at the Zodiac Venue/Bar and performing with Burlesque Noir Saturday!!

BAM! This weekend is gonna be gooooooood!

Your wonderful General Blackery has become a free bitch baby. Of course that means my personal life is in a bit of a flux with partners moving out, no internet at home,  and the eventual move of all my glitter.  So expect even more debauchery from this dirty rotten showgirl. Wait, it already happened. In Santa Fe.

Let me just briefly touch on what happened up there at Tallulah’s St. James’s Birthday Suit Bonanza. There was a show. It was a great fucking show.I got to see the legendary Satan’s Angel put on one hell of a show.  But afterwards the party got started. I was making out with as much people as I could. Guests at the hotel were complaining, asking for refunds, cops were being called, pool jumpers, naked hot tub time, threesomes and 2:30 am booty calls. And then we all met for brunch in the morning to try to remember what the hell happened. Oh The Lodge at Santa Fe will never be the same.  Best quote from brunch which Sofia Soberette put on my facebook wall “ How do you have a threesome with yourself?”

So you guys, when I say you need to come out to a burlesque show, you should really go. And stick around for the afterparty. I can’t guarantee they will all be like that. I think the mix of New Mexico and Colorado combining creates a party tornado. So, please come to one of the many burlesque shows that happen in the Albuquerque/Santa Fe area. You will not be disappointed.

Mark your calendars for the weekend in August 19-21st for A Burly-Q.  And stay tuned for Burlesque Noir’s Burlesque in the Wild West Show November 12th. Annnnnd the dates for the 6th Annual Southwest Burlesque Fest have been announced. Mark those calendars Feburary 10-12th. BAM!

I have absolutely no pictures of all the shenanigans that went on because I left my battery charger in a hotel on the east coast and I was having too much fun. And I am too damn tired to write out a whole post.

SOOOOOOOO, here’s what is coming up in the week!

Tallulah’s Birthday Suit Bonanza!!

AHAHAH! I’ll be performing in Santa Fe for the first time this Saturday. I am so excited. I hope to give Tallulah a lap dance.  You got to come to this show. Seriously, check the line up:

Join Zircus Erotique and Special Guests in celebrating the birthday of Tallulah St. James!!
Featuring:
The Queen of the Fire Tassels, Satan’s Angel
Lola Spitfire
Bunny Bee
September Smith
Zircus Erotique:
Doutelle
Lady Lux
Lily La Dee
Madam Lennox
Mena Domina
Gilded Cage Burlesk:
IntoxiKate
Vivian MirAnn
Burque Burlesque:
Kiity Irreverent
Ri Ri Syncyr
Burlesque Noir:
General Blackery
Holly Rebelle
AND!!!
Boylesque from Colorado!!!
Mustang Monroe
Mr Valdez
Also, recent graduates from the ZE Burlesque Class
Isabella Bashir
Anouska
Songbird: Sofia Soubrette
Emcee: Naughty Pierre
www.zeburlesque.com

And don’t think the rock has stopped. OH NO! The one, the only Reigning Queen of Burlesque 2011 Miss Indigo Blue will be teaching in the Q on Tuesday July 26th. Your mind is blown I know. Check this out!

Reigning Queen of Burlesque, Miss Indigo Blue will be in Albuquerque for one night only sharing her wealth of information by teaching classes both open to public and private sessions available.
For more class descriptions and sign up please go to www.burlesquenoir.com/indi​goblue
6-7:30 Available for private sessions, please contact hollyrebelle@burlesquenoir​.com to reserve your slot!
7:30-8:30 The Art Of The Tease: Burlesque and Empowered Flirtation $20 ***open to the public***
8:30 – 9:30 Tassel Twirling for the Twenty-First Century $20 ***open to the public***
9:30 – 11:30 Private Sessions available please contact hollyrebelle@burlesquenoir​.com to reserve your slot.

Go ahead and get schooled!

• http://www.missindigoblue.com
• http://www.academyofburlesque.com
• http://www.burlycon.com
• http://missindigoblue.blogspot.com/
• http://twitter.com/missindigoblue

I’ve already signed up for both of her classes and my titties are shaking with joy!

Thank you Ri Ri Syncyr for snapping this pic of Ann Gora and I getting catcalled while cleaning out a kiddie pool. Our lives are hard.

Annnd this is the result of me getting really really REALLLLLLY drunk and photo bombing. My life is hard. I signed a bunch of my photos with very dirty messages so pick one up next time from Dark Flash Photography and enjoy my horrible sense of humor. Special bonus if you get the really really reallllly offensive one.

I’m busy (not really) packing for the Colorado Burlesque Festival that is starting this Thursday. My liver is going to hate me. Burlesque Noir is performing Thursday night at the Opening Gala and I will be doing my Mary Jane solo on Sunday.  Yeah, my liver is going to hate me.