I’m an expert. Ok. This list isn’t biased at all.
Here we go in no particular order..
20. Adam Brown
He’s not a burlesque dancer. He just wanted to be on the list.
19. Tony Travis
Burlesque Noir’s choreographer. Sometimes he performs. Dude is such a troll he is straight up trying to drag a girl off the stage to take her to his cave to carve her to bits and wear her face like a mask.
You don’t see Paige a lot. She is usually hiding under a bridge or cleaning up stuff. But she is there. Lurking. Fun Fact: Paige only has eight fingers and toes and I have seen her eat a horse.
17. Riri SynCyr
She’s the Mayor of Chubbytown for chrissakes. She bakes incredible snacks out of the blood of innocent children.
16. Kitty Irreverent
15. Moe Pex
I think he goes to the gym. I can’t really tell. He is the newest boylesker in Burlesque Noir and he will be making his stage debut this weekend. He’ll probably do a stupid push up or something.
14. Mickey Nuggets
Hoot hoot. Cluck cluck. The fresh, young and tender and full of trans-fats. Mickey Nuggets is another one of Burlesque Noir’s trolls. He is actually 1,000 years old.
13. Rex Starchild
Oooooooh girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. Rex Starchild of Burlesque Noir is everyone’s favorite dead boy. His performances are nothing but him rotting onstage and stinking up the place with his decaying stench.
12. Shelley Sequinz
Ladies and gents this is Shelley Sequinz of Burlesque Noir. The rapper of the troupe in her birthday suit. She sings songs to lure men into her lair where she keeps them there as a pet.
11. Machina Tigre
A member of Burlesque Noir’s elite fattie/troll travel team. I wrote you a poem Machina.
Fattie fattie fat
Please don’t eat my cat.
Newest member of Burlesque Noir. Something something tits something something. Lottie is probably really intelligent and looks like she would be amazing to have mind blowing conversations with. But who cares, tits.
9. Annie O’Roar
Annie O’Roar of Burlesque Noir has a nasty habit of stealing babies and seducing wives. She plays with snakes,magic, fringe and whiskey. Something something legs and tits.
Mischa is apart of the fattie/troll Burlesque Noir travel team. A practicing Satanist , she frequently bathes in the blood of the innocents while consuming mass quantities of Jameson whiskey. That’s how she gets that healthy glow.
7. Joy Coy
“Joy Coy is a member of Burlesque Noir. She often gives hauntingly beautiful performances of the classic theater style. “ Travel team member, Joy Coy is not allowed in the sunlight or else she will turn to stone.
“Mary Jane Monroe is another of Burlesque Noir’s standouts. On stage she is like a classic 1950s pin-up come to life. She pours her heart and soul into every second she is on stage and has a smile as wide as The Sandia’s. “ Another travel team member of Burlesque Noir. She carries rocks in her pockets so she can throw them at people.
5. Don Schrader
I mean, come on.
She’s not from Albuquerque but who gives a shit. She’s from Santa Fe with Zircus Erotique. She has an act where she is a troll ,which there are no pictures of. On that note, bitch has no bad pictures. You need to work on that.
2. General Blackery
Feed me your children.
1. This Bitch
A novel could be wrote about this bitch’s performances, but to keep it short here are the thee most important things you need to know:
Jesus. Christians. Glitter.
Be sure to catch most of these fatties and trolls at the Launchpad this SATURDAY NIGHT! Burlesque Noir Presents:DIVAS
Starring Cora Vette from Denver, CO
Saturday, December 14th
Doors 8 pm
The VaVaVettes (Denver, CO)
Mary Jane Monroe
Girl! What’s my weakness? MEN!!
A Brotherhood even.
A Brotherhood of Burlesque at that!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the sexy, the talented, the hardcore lovers off all things pleasure, The Brotherhood of Burlesque, are coming to Albuquerque this motherfucking weekend to get this town pregnant.
Photo by Broken Glass Photography
Unf. You are going to get all of that up in your face and other wet bits not once but TWICE this weekend as they headline the Ecdysiast’s Exclusive at the Cell.
Yes Burlesque Noir is going to be there. Yes we will be getting pregnant. You’re welcome.
Get your tickets now. $13.00. Do it now because this show will sell out and you don’t want to be a loser pants that sat home and watched re-runs of Saturday Night Live or some shit.
The Burlesque Noir mobile gangsta party is headed up north,tomorrow, to our second home Colorado Springs ,Colorado for my birthday show. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
It’s the best present ever. I get to hang out and be entertained by some mighty talented and beautiful folks. This is a good one kids. Don’t miss it if you are in the Springs. Peaks and Pasties throw one hell of a show!
Soooo St. Louis and Austin Texas will be coming to Albuquerque and performing Saturday night.
Also headlining will be the amazing, sexy, talented, mind-blowing The Jigglewatts ( Coco Lectric, Ruby Joule, Goldie Candela, & Jolie Goodnight) from Austin, Tx.
I will be performing my Catwoman piece I loving call “Eartha Kitt Realness”.
Burlesque Noir will be performing our classy and sassy Sing Sing Sing number.
You get all of that and sooooooo much more for the low low price of $13.00 if you buy online RIGHT NOW! Tickets are zooming as we speak. So, go to it Man!
See you on the other side!
In tonight’s special edition of “Upcoming Events”, the part of General Blackery will be played by a monkey.
Oh yeah, the 4th Annual Colorado Burlesque Festival happened. I fed people pancakes and got tequila flavored(?) condoms. Oh and had a wonderfully nasty nude photo-shoot with the ladies of Burlesque Noir and the gents from Colorado Springs Brotherhood of Burlesque. Please direct your attention to this NSFW website. Anthony Graham is a fantastic photographer so please check out his work and buy ALL THE PHOTOS!
This Sunday Sunday SUNDAY @ 2:30 Bump Grind and Werk It!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this Sunday, I teach, once again. Come learn how to bump, grind, shimmy and werk, with me, General Blackery. Sign up now!
Coming at you Saturday July 26th!! Burlesque Noir & Joykiller Productions Presents: Til Death Do Us Part
Come celebrate that wonderful institution of titties! A show about love, lust, and good old fashioned bumping and grinding!
Featuring your favorite Dirty Rotten Showgirls and Boys of Burlesque Noir:
Special performances by:
Mena Domina (Zircus Erotique)
Welcoming Seattle based photographer Steve Groves and video by Mega Ultra Studios
This is a 21+ event.
Shenanigans will ensue after the show.
So that rounds out July. Coming up in August, PRIDE & Equality magazine presents The 2nd Annual Très Chic Hair and Fashion Show Fundraiser
Southwest Burlesque Invitational
The Producers of the Southwest Burlesque Showcacse are pleased to present, The Southwest Burlesque Invitational!
With Special Guests:
The Jigglewatts, from Austin, TX featuring; Coco Lectric, Ruby Joule, Jolie Goodnight and Goldie Candella
Lola Van Ella & Sammich The Tramp from St. Louis, MO
ONE NIGHT ONLY! August 24th @ The South Broadway Cultural Center
18+ / Bar with Proper ID
Tickets are $13.00, on sale now through HOLD MY TICKET!
Long post was long.
In short, teaching class Sunday July 21st at 2:30, show at Launchpad July 26th, show at the Kiva August 9th, show at the Southwest Broadway Cultural Center August 24th.
What it do mother fuckers?
It’s Wednesday night ( my Friday) so that means I am going to blow your FEED UP!
Hold to your panties as I take you on a magical journey that beings this Saturday and ends…NEVER BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Burlesque Noir brings you another JAM packed Burlesque show full of lovely beauties from all over Albuquerque!! Come spend your evening with us!
The night’s festivities include Burlesque performances, Bands, and A HUGE raffle benefiting the Burlesque Noir Traveling Team of 2013!!
Burlesque Noir will be performing in the Main Event during the weekend of Colorado Burlesque Festival 2013! Help send ABQ Burlesque to national events!! Raffle tickets $5
THANK YOU FOR YOUR OUTSTANDING SUPPORT!
7:30 Doors and Burlesque Show starts promptly at 8PM; $10
Bands include Albuquerque’s own Funk Sensation…
Punk Rock tunes by
Fire to the Rescue
3 hours of Burlesque and 3 EMCEES:
Cherry Jubilee, Mike”Dirty” Del Rio, and Paris A Gogo
LIVE BURLESQUE BY:
Burlesque Noir Travelling Team
Mercy Just Mercy
Lacy Le Rouge
Dirty Deeds Burlesque
Mary Jane Monroe
More performers TBA
RAFFLE TICKETS ON SALE NOW! Contact the ladies of Burlesque Noir to purchase some or call 505 615-4248.
$50 Hair Addiction Certificate
$50 Free Radicals Gift Certificate
1Hour Shiatsu Massage
1 Hour Photo-shoot with Steven Ziff
$25 Avon Gift Basket
The Library Bar and Grill GC
and MUCH MORE!
Get on that shit. See you this weekend Loves.